Aaahh. I've been wanting to write this for a very long time. I'm going to enjoy this. MWHAHAHAHAHA!
There's been a lot of talk recently about the Toronto Maple Leafs and what they need to do to fix the mess they have as a team. Lots of people have given their opinions, so now it's my turn.
As an Ottawa Senators fan, I normaly hate the Lafs (not a typo). But my hatred has been going on longer than when I became a Sens fan. Before Ottawa rejoined the NHL, I used to cheer for the Montreal Canadiens. So I've been hating the Lafs for a long time.
The first problem people say the team has is it's general manager, John Ferguson Jr. I tend to disagree. I think he's doing a fantastic job. You fuckers deserve what's happening to you. For years, you tried to do what the NY Rangers did and that's buy yourself a championship. But by trying to do that, you traded away all your draft picks and prospects for players who were WAAAAYYYYYYY past their prime. I think the average age on the Lafs team a few years back was 64 years old. If you were under 60, you neede to have at least one of the following:
1) back problems
2) knee problems
3) hip problems
4) shoulder problems
Now, people are saying that they should fire the coach, Paul Maurice. What the hell is that going to do? It was funny when, at the beginning of the year, Maurice said that not only will the Lafs make the playoffs but they will compete for the Stanley Cup. HAHAHAHA! What the fuck was he smoking? And where can I get some? Firing the coach will not solve your problems, cause you will still have no goaltender, no defence and only one good line. Not to mention the biggest bitch in the entire league. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...DarcyTucker.
What a fucking little punk this asshole is. Personally, I would be ashame to have him on my team. The guy is a pussy and an embarrassement to the game of hockey. A few years back, in the playoffs, Darcy "Mother" Tucker was along the boards, playing with the puck and probably his dick when Daniel Alfredsson body checked him into the boards, stole the puck and scored the winning goal. While it was a close call, you can clearly see Tucker turn into the boards AFTER being hit and falling down. The day after the game, he goes in front of the media and tells the world that he has a dislocated shoulder, his shoulder blade is broken in two different places and a crack bone in his arm. Poor little guy. Six days later, during the next series, Tucker is on the ice playing.
WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE! Dislocated shoulder, broken shoulder blade in two places and acracked bone and you're playing hockey 6 days later? Those are some pretty impressive healing powers you have, Mr. Tucker. Or maybe you're just a fucking little pussy. I think that's it. Want more proof. Happy to oblige.
Two years ago, during an exhibition game against the Senators, Mike Fisher rocks Tucker with a body check and steals the puck. Tucker is down on the ice, in "pain" and looking at the ref. When the ref does nothing, Tucker gets up (again those amazing healing powers) skates after Fisher and starts yapping. He then shoves Fisher, who shoves him right back. Tucker then drops his gloves and tells Fisher "Let's do it". He then eats about 5 knuckle sandwiches, without throwing a puch, and then gets dumped like the piece of trash he is. It was so funny to see. When he threw him down, Fisher didn't even leave his feet. It was like a garbageman tossing a bag of thrash in the truck. Once again, Darcy Tucker, #1 bitch. Want more?
Last year, Darcy Tucker starts a fight with Patrick Eaves, who at this point of his career, has never fought before (he now has two fights under his belt). While Eaves didn't fair too too good, he still held his own. The next night, the second game of a home-and-home series between Toronto and Ottawa, Chris Neil goes up to the bitch Tucker and asks if he wants to fight now. Tucker backs away, and after the game, when asked about the incident, tells the media, with a fucking straight face, that it is Neil's job to fight and that if he (Tucker) had fought, he would've been beaten, So he wasn't going to fight. You fucking little pussy! You pick on people who don't fight, but when someone who can defend themselves wants to go, the yellow line down your back is more evident than ever.
A few years back, Sports Illustrated Magazine polled its readers to ask them which was the most hated team in all of sports. The winners? You guessed it, the Toronto Maple Leafs. In the same issue, they asked the refs of the NHL who were the whinniest coaches and players in the league. #1 biggest whinner amongst coaches: Pat Quinn, then coach of the Maple Leafs. As for biggest whinners amongst players: #1, #2, #4 and #5 were all Leafs players. You should hear some of the excuses these motherfuckers use when they lose a game. The refs were against us, the ice was too slippery, thepuck was too black, someone open a door and a gust of wind came into the building. Okay so I made some of these up, but you get the point. They do always use the refs excuse and a new one from the coach last year. Apparently, according to Maurice, before a shootout loss to the Canadiens, the zamboni driver didn't clean the Montreal end of the ice as well as the Toronto end, so there was a little more snow to help the Canadiens goalie stop the pucks. Right, so now in addition to the refs, the zamboni drivers are against you. It has nothing to do with the fact that your team sucks ass.
While people who were polled hated the team, they said that what they hated the most was the fans. More than Yankees or L.A. Raiders fans. I couldn't agree more. If you ever want a good laugh and proof that the majority of Lafs fans are fucking idiots, go read the fans comments on TSN.ca. It's funny shit. One example was after the Sens signed Ray Emery to a contract this past summer. One Lafs fan wrote that the Sens are a stupid organization for giving an overated player like Emery a large contract. The person's screen name was McCabe24. I'm sorry, but with a name like that, you shouldn't be talking about players who are overated and getting paid too much. McCabe sucks ass and is getting paid over 6 million dollars to play.
Another example of how fucking retarded some Lafs fans are; a few years ago, I went to a Sens vs. Leafs game with my friend Lee. In front of us were 4 Toronto fans. One of them had a beer in his hands with no cover on it. During the game, the Lafs made a good play (it wasn't a goal) but this fucktard gets up and starts waving his hands up and down and screaming. Now, even a mentally challenged two year old knows that when you shake a glass with liquid in it, said liquid will not stay in the glass. But this concept seemed to have escaped this fucking retarded asshole. People got sprayed with beer and the idiot was eventually thrown out by security. His three buddies then start threatening the man who complained to security about their buddy. More fucking idiots.
Fortunately, there are some intelligent Leafs fans out there, so maybe there is hope for "Leafs Nation" I wouldn't count on it though. Until then, I will continue to support the GM, JFJ and hope he continues the good job he is doing. And I will laugh when the Toronto Maple Lafs don't make the playoffs for the third straight year.
Go Sens Go!
I just received an email at work from a university professor who is looking for funding for the publication of a manuscript by a foreign press.
Aaahh. I've been wanting to write this for a very long time. I'm going to enjoy this. MWHAHAHAHAHA!